The Kit Kat Club

For the past several weeks, I've been working on a partner project in Child Psych. My partner, whom I met on the first day of class, is a woman in her 40s. Very, very nice. Very, very computer illiterate and generally not the sharpest crown in the box -- but nice. I asked her to please do the second half of the paper we've been assigned, while I did the first. I worked fairly hard on my half (as hard as I ever work on anything for this class), and it ended up being a little long, but oh well.

Tonight, the night before the paper is due, she finally sends me her half. It is one paragraph. One. SHORT. Paragraph. I don't know what the hell her problem is, where she got confused about the assignment, but this is supposed to be a one-page paper, and not only is my "half" about four times longer than hers, but hers does not even BEGIN to cover all the material it's supposed to.

I've gotten screwed over like this in group projects before, though. And this time, unlike every other time, I'm not going to be a putz about it. I e-mailed her back and told her she was missing most of the necessary information, then e-mailed my professor to say "Look, my partner didn't do what she was supposed to do, and I don't want to be held responsible for it. What should I do?"

But I'm not going to stay up all night fixing someone else's incompetence like I would have done in the past. This is unbelievably frustrating, and if my grade reflects her screwup then I will throw a hissy fit, but it is not my damn responsibility to do the whole project.

This, plus the fact that I seem to have lost my Freedom card (the pass that lets me ride PATCO without buying tickets), equals the crappiest day I've had in a while.

So anyway, Thursday was probs one of the coolest nights of my life. Just sayin'. Julia and I made a fort in her room, bought huge amounts of candy at Wawa, and worked our way through two thirds of a bottle of vodka while watching "Twilight" and having a Lady Gaga dance party. It was INTENSE. But not as intense as watching "New Moon" at midnight. Obviously I don't remember a whole lot, but I do hope that no one in the theatre wanted to watch the movie in peace and quiet because no one was letting that happen. And I do remember shrieking every time Taylor Lautner was half-naked, which was a lot. SUN'S OUT GUNS OUT.

And then on Friday evening I saw it again, with Corynn, sober this time. Basically -- just stylistically speaking, it's way more exciting and way better than the first movie. But oh good lord, would they PLEASE fire Kristen Stewart? After Edward leaves her, right, she's supposed to go into this huge depression where she basically can't function and is like, a zombie. Yeah, I saw NO difference in Kristen's acting between when she was with Edward and after he left her. She always looks and acts like she is dead inside. Through the entire movie, not once did I see her looking genuinely happy. I know it's not REALLY her fault that she has permanent bitchface, but wow, I just want to punch her.

Work tomorrow from 3:30 to 10:30, ugh. Oh, and my shift on Black Friday? 4 a.m to 2 p.m. Yeah. You heard me. The light at the end of the tunnel is that I've got 3 tickets to The Light in the Piazza for Saturday night, yeaaaahhh.

Like I mentioned before, I've decided to quit taking my Abilify. Doing so has really helped me more than I could have ever imagined. It's like, I didn't realize how bad things had gotten till I went off it. Now, I feel like so many of my memories from the past few months are just...marred by this film of panic and anxiety.

Today, I went to work. I was freaking out a little beforehand because of last time. But I got on the register and I was fine. I was more than fine. I still totally had moments of "Oh my God, I don't know what to do here" and I had to holler for help. But only, like...5-7 times, maybe. And besides, I didn't let it overwhelm me when I did screw up or get confused or I had a line forming.

Plus, I was able to look customers in the eye and talk with my coworkers like a normal person.

So screw you, Abilify. You and Provigil are totally on my shit list.

It was a long day, though. Our holiday hours just started, I guess, so we're open til 10 instead of 9. 5-hour shift, and that was after class and an hour's bus ride. It was nice to go home and collapse on the couch and watch The Daily Show and Scrubs.

Also, I got paid. $99. Meh. I need at least one more paycheck before I can buy my new camera.

I've been drafting my letter to the Oberlin medical leave committee, essentially begging them to let me come back. This is apparently a required part of the process. It is kind of a pain -- I don't know what I should be writing or how much detail I need to be going into. Basically I've outlined everything I've been up to since I got home (regular therapy, medication management, two classes and a job), and everything I plan to do to make myself successful on my return.

God, am I ever ready to go back. I know what I need. I need a roommate to provide me with some level of normalcy in my life -- you know, someone who will silently judge me if I sleep through class or don't clean the room. (Seriously! The silent judging helps! Even if it's just in my head.) I need to be involved in activities beyond Piscapo's Arm and OMTA. (I'm thinking either the swing dancing or the fencing ExCo.) I need a job. And above all else, I need to spend more time with people. Yes, it will be hard and I might not always like it, but I did myself no favors last year by shutting myself away so much. It is completely detrimental to my work habits and mental health. It doesn't matter how crappy or guilty or sad I'm feeling -- I'm going to seek out people and spend time with them instead of wallowing.

So my friends should probably know that I intend to be more of an ever-present pain in the ass.

I got some bad, very unexpected news my last day in Oberlin. I was talking to the dean about returning next semester, and about winter term specifically, and he said "So you're probably going to do an off-campus individual project, right?"

Um, no. I'd been planning on returning to Oberlin during January and doing the weaving seminar winter term, both because it looks interesting and because Jessie and Ray are doing it as well. But when I told him that, he told me he didn't think that was a good idea, and that I probably wouldn't be allowed to do it. Why? Because Oberlin in January is rather empty and devoid of its usual services and support networks, and given my situation, he doesn't think it would be a good "transition" for me to make. He'd rather I come back to campus in Febrary, when normalcy resumes.

This kind of devastated me. I've been counting down the days till January 6, not February 6. I'm still pretty damn upset, and annoyed at the implication that I somehow need this huge safety net to fall into. As long as I have friends around (and at least 4 of my friends are planning to be on campus), I feel like I'll be fine. I can appeal the decision, but I don't think it's something I'll win. I don't know, though.

At any rate, I do apparently need to be looking into other options for winter term. I do not like this. And unfortunately, the deadlines for applying to go to Israel (which is the option that appeals to me most) have already passed. There's a small chance I could still get in on an environmental studies trip to Israel, but given that a) the deadline passed, b) I have no experience with environmental studies, and c) it costs $2000, that's probably not going to happen.

So...I don't know. I e-mailed Garden State Equality, a gay marriage advocacy group, to see if they'd be interested in having an intern during January. They haven't gotten back to me yet.

I'm not quite sure what my other options would be. I feel stuck, and rushed, and like I don't have time to come up with a project on such short notice. I'm rather unhappy about it all.

I believe I've resolved my Halloween dilemma (that is, whether I should be Tom Baker, be sexy, or be sexy Tom Baker).

No, I didn't decide to go with Sexy Tom Baker. Something about that thought disturbs me, and a strategically placed scarf would be difficult to maneuver in (though I do hope to get a picture of that).

So I've decided -- during the day, I will be Tom Baker. Grey pants. Suspenders. Patterned button-up shirt. Long coat. EPIC SCARF OF EPICNESS. And a brown fedora.

But for the evening, when it would be to my advantage to look as smexy as possible, I'm going to change into my Asian-style dress. (Here's a picture for reference.) Yeah, it was my prom dress two and a half years ago. I don't know what exactly I'd tell people if they ask me what I am; I guess a geisha or something.

Of course, my other option, which I'm also considering, is to throw on that dress and a bunch of gay pride buttons and stuff and declare myself a GAYsha. Thoughts on which would be more awesome?

Funny thing is, that Asian-style dress? Did not fit me so well back then. It was not "shaped" and, let's face it, neither was I. It was hanging off my skinny ass. But actually, now that I've put on like 16 pounds and gotten boobs, it looks TEN TIMES MORE FABULOUS. So I'm pretty happy about that.

Also, I found my driver's permit. I've been looking for it for months. MONTHS. It was in such a random place; I never would have found it if I hadn't decided to go through an old photo album while I was cleaning.

I guess this means I should start taking driving lessons, but, as I've mentioned, being in cars lately = panic attacks. So I'm not so sure. I really want my license, but is there some way I can get it without, you know, driving?

The good:

-Like most people I know, I watched Glee on Wednesday and have been listening to Puck's rendition of "Sweet Caroline" pretty much on a loop ever since then. Boy has a VOICE.

-I also downloaded Florence & the Machine's "Lungs," and Tegan and Sara's "The Con." Yay, new music!

-This Wednesday will be our last day of monologue work in Theater. As I've said 238974 times before: that class frustrates the hell out of me. Can't stand sitting still for hours at a time watching bad actors perform. But I must say that some of the most unlikely people have come a long long way with their monologues, and I can actually enjoy watching their performances. It's a pleasant surprise. Plus, of course, my monologue is fierce as hell and was one of the few to get applause from the class when I last performed it. So there's that.

-I cleaned and vacuumed my room hardcore today. It looks great.

-I just re-watched "Turn Left." I used to not be sure how I felt about that episode, but now I think I sort of love it. Catherine Tate is absolutely brilliant in it. I cry every time. And the look on the Doctor's face after he hears the words "Bad Wolf"? GOD.

I still don't quite understand Billie Piper's apparent mouthful of marbles in season 4, though.

-I leave for Oberlin in less than a week.

The bad:

-steel_lily09 legit has swine flu and can't accompany me to Oberlin. This totally blows. I feel really bad. The trip is still going to be 100% awesome, but that's 100% as compared to the 200% awesome it would have been if she'd come. Gahhhh get better soon Roomsauce (I say as I'm talking to her right now).

Also, now I'm all weirdly insecure because I feel like my Oberlin friends wanted to meet a cool new person, and now that it's just me they'll be like "Oh. Ok."

-I'm not sure if my hat for my Halloween costume is going to arrive in time. If it doesn't, I will have a brown fedora for no good reason.

-I'm a little worried my Halloween costume is just going to suck in general. I mean, no one's going to get it, for one thing, but it's also not totally accurate and the scarf doesn't look fabulous and gah. I've worked so hard, I just want it to be awesome.

-On Tuesday, my Child Psych professor tried to spell "somnambulism" on the board. She wrote "sommabulism." That was when I got up and left. CAN'T. DEAL. WITH. STUPID. PROFESSORS.

You have to choose the ACTORS who will play:
- Yourself a.k.a. the main character
- The true love
- The "mistake"
- The true love's best friend
- The rival
- Mom
- Dad
- Sister/brother (or both)
- The best friend
- The pet
- The city

And now you have to choose YOUR PERSONAL SOUNDTRACK, of course:
- Opening credits
- Falling in love
- The kiss
- Sex
- The break up
- The psychological breakdown
- Shopping with friends
- Getting back together
- End Credits

( Trust me, this is worth a look. )

I win at public transportation!

I got the bus both to and from the Marketplace with minimal trouble today. I was only a little bit awkward about it, too. I got on and was like "WHERE IS MONEY GO? I GOING PLACE WITH GROCERIES. YOU TAKE ME." But I managed to not miss my stops or anything like that.

I am having a Halloween-related dilemma. I've been planning to go as Tom Baker a.k.a the Fourth Doctor a.k.a the One With the Scarf. But I've been...reconsidering. See, I enjoy looking girly and sexy (or at least as sexy as it's possible for me to look -_-), and Tom Baker is...well...neither girly nor sexy.

So what would my alternative be? Probably just throwing on my Renaissance-style dress. Or I could reprise my costume from sophomore year, which was a Chinese-style dress and a rainbow wristband. I was a GAYsha, you see. (Yeah, that was a lazy Halloween.)

I don't know. Your thoughts? Should I be pretty and elegant on Halloween, or should I be an eccentric middle-aged man?

So the Big Deal today is Obama's promise to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Lots of reactions, obviously. Twitter is all afire with it.

Now, like any person in their right mind, I oppose DADT. I'm not even sure what the logic behind it is -- somehow, apparently, having an openly gay soldier will destroy the "moral fabric" of the Army/Navy/whathaveyou? It's absurd, and is just another example of the homophobia that annoys me the most -- this notion that GLBTQ people are somehow bestial, uncivilized, and immoral.

I wish I could say that DADT is simply useless, but it's worse than that -- it's detrimental. We can't afford to be losing soldiers and potential soldiers.

Obama has, I believe, said a few times, both in the campaign and during his presidency, that he opposes the law and intends to repeal it. A lot of people are crying impatiently for it to happen now, no more waiting, no more promises, it's time for action.

Me? I'm...actually ok with waiting. I know that may be an unpopular opinion, and maybe I'd feel differently if the law affected me directly, rather than affecting my fellow GLBTQ people. But I don't mind waiting.

Listen, contrary to popular belief and also this picture, Obama is not Superman. There is no way he can possibly do all the things people are clamoring for. He has to do what we all do -- prioritize.

And you know what the priority is right now? I'm sorry to be seemingly cold and calculating about this, but if you look at it as a numbers game, the priority is healthcare reform. Yes, DADT affects thousands of soldiers and potential soldiers. But there are 46 million Americans without health insurance, and even those of us who do have coverage get screwed over by our providers.

Healthcare is an entirely broken system. DADT is comparatively tiny.

All I ask, Obama, is that you do follow through on this promise. Whether it's a year, three years, or seven years from now -- don't let us down. Do what you need to do with healthcare and other huge issues (like the wars), but when the time is right -- don't let us down.

So obviously the entire internet is in an uproar over Obama being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. People on Facebook are getting really stupid about it. "Ahurhurhur, hey, I deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for wiping my ass! Apparently that's all you need to do to deserve it! Hurrhurhurr." So I couldn't resist throwing in my two cents on Corynn's Facebook status, since the internet is the only place where people occasionally give a crap what I have to say about politics -_-

( Read more... )

So, yeah...I was surprised by the choice, and I'm not 1000% convinced he deserved it over other nominees....but at the same time I don't think awarding him the prize was ridiculous or unfounded.

And Hillary Clinton made my favorite remark so far: "Certainly from our standpoint, this gives us a sense of momentum - when the United States has accolades tossed its way, rather than shoes."

Four for you, Hillary Coco. You go, Hillary Coco.

As time goes on, I'm getting more and more fed up with my classes. My Child Psych professor (if you can even call her that) is the stupidest teacher figure I've had to deal with since AP Bio, and if you knew or heard stories about my AP Bio teacher, that is saying something. The information she presents is disjointed, nonsensical and sometimes flat-out WRONG, but I don't bother correcting her because she'd never admit to making a mistake. As in AP Bio, I feel like I'm actually un-learning things I used to know.

And Theater is just...well, picture sitting still for two and a half hours, while people who can't act and don't care about learning to act make travesties of beautiful monologues. That's basically what it is. When I can actually get up there and perform, I enjoy it because I know I'm doing well and learning to do better. But I can't sit still for very long under the best of circumstances, and these are not the best of circumstances.

I should be having orientation at Best Buy sometime this week. I'm excited and kind of terrified; I've never had to work in such a high-stress environment and I don't know how well I will handle it.

SO UH HEY GUYS.

After job searching pretty much nonstop for 5 months...

After being let down by that douchebag Good2Go place that offered me a job...

After being flat broke all summer and making like $40 a week at the candy store...

I GOT A JOB AT BEST BUY.

I am praying that is not like bluecanary77 said, with the harrassment and sexism and whatnot, but I swear at this point I'd barely care.

I just care that I got a job.

Poll #1467420
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 24

IS THIS AWESOME

View Answers

YES
18 (75.0%)

YES
15 (62.5%)

TICKY BOX
17 (70.8%)

RAHM EMANUEL WILL CHIEF OF STAFF YOUR FACE
20 (83.3%)

YES
16 (66.7%)

TODAY I AM AS AWESOME AS RAHM EMANUEL.

The Daily Show made me really unhappy tonight. Not because it wasn't funny, mind you, though Jon has a cold which makes me want to tuck him up in bed and take care of him.

No, it just really pointed out to me some things that are pissing me the hell off about this administration lately. Namely, the way Democrats are completely pussying out on the most important issues facing the country -- healthcare and environmental sustainability.

I never thought I'd find myself saying this, because I really am all for bipartisanship. I was happy, at first, that efforts were being made to cooperate and come up with plans that not only pleased both sides, but which served the American people as well.

But Republicans are attacking healthcare reform with baseless and unfounded arguments which are, to be honest, ridiculous. Furthermore, they have offered no viable alternative to the Democrats' proposals to which they object so strenuously. On top of that, they are flat-out ignoring the science that is SCREAMING proof of dire global climate change caused by humans (and mostly by America).

The Right is no longer serving in the best interests of the American people. They do not want every American citizen to have health insurance. They do not want a clean and healthy country for future generations. They are no longer doing what is best for America.

And when that's the case, well, sorry Obama, but it's time to go over their pin-shaped heads. The smiles and charm melt hearts (they've melted mine), but it's time to get tough. The Cap and Trade system will not do nearly enough to reduce carbon emissions. It's not nearly tough enough on the companies producing this waste.

This goes for all Democratic elected officials: Stop trying to make everyone happy. Stop genuflecting in front of health insurance companies, fuel companies, and Republicans. Maybe you're not used to being in power, but Rahm Emanuel helped you win back the country in 2006 and it's time to show him some gratitude and start acting like you're in control. You have the power to push strong, meaningful reform through and make America a better place to live. Stop worrying about re-election, stop worrying about campaign funds -- for once, do something because it's what's right for the American people. And that's who you're serving.

~*SIGH*~ /Ranting by the girl who's never taken a politics class and doesn't really know what the hell she's talking about.

I have two interviews tomorrow. Best Buy (final interview) and Barnes and Noble (first interview). Slightly worried about what I'll do if both of them are offered to me. At any rate, wish me luck.

Sometimes I gotta ask myself: Why is it that I fail so hard at so many basic elements of human functioning?

Like taking the bus.

Today I sat at a bus stop for an hour. I wanted practice in taking the bus to the Marketplace, in case I get a job at Best Buy or Barnes & Noble. It's a little complicated, so I wanted to do it on a day when I had nothing else to worry about.

I'd apparently just missed a bus, because the bus schedule and when the bus actually arrives have NO RELATION TO EACH OTHER. It's supposed to get there at 2:30? Nah, it'll show up at 2:10 and make you wait for an hour for the next one.

So I sat, I don't really mind waiting as long as I have my iPod. FINALLY, I see the bus coming, so I stand right next to the sign that says "BOARD HERE." Yo guys, I want to board. I'm going to get on the bus. Here comes the bus. Here comes the...what the fuck, it drove straight past me.

Are you serious.

Why do I fail so hard at everything.

I basically cried, then went and bought chocolate to make myself feel better. It's Cadbury time, bitches.

( Also the answer to half these questions is going to be 'Doctor Who,' because I have a problem. )

Hum dee dum. 3 days of work this week = more money than usual.

It's the last night of the Greek Agora, and I want to go with Corynn but she's being stupid and not answering texts :D :D :D I LOVE YOU CORYNN <3

I had a lovely weekend up in New Brunswick with DJ and April...we went to the Hyatt Regency's bar for DJ's birthday, I had a really nice time with them and all their friends, and I discovered that I have a bit of a talent for pool.

And I have an interview at Best Buy on Tuesday. SO not getting my hopes up because when that happens, things fall through.

So I'm still going to complain, but not about my personal life for once. No, here's what's been bugging me as of late:

( People who are nominally accepting of GLBTQ people and in favor of their rights -- but who say things like 'I'm fine with gay people, as long as they don't try anything funny with me.' )

Today started out pretty failtastic. I'm starting to really hate my Child Psych class. The professor is a total idiot, and my classmates aren't much better. I had to call her out on a test question she marked wrong -- "What is the clear sac which cushions and supports a fetus?" The amnion, HURRDURR. But she marked it wrong, saying it was the placenta. UM, NO. And why did I have to call her out on it? Because everyone else in the class said it was the placenta as well. I did get her to admit her mistake, but man, I shouldn't have had to. Know your subject, lady, or shut up and get out of the classroom. I'll teach. Plus, our textbook is all "Yay formula-feeding and C-sections! Boo, breastfeeding, co-sleeping and natural childbirth!" Which, NO. Just NO.

But, I got my usual delicious lunch at Grooveground, then came home and ate cookies and watched a particularly good episode of The West Wing ("The Stackhouse Filibuster").

But basically the best part about my week is that tomorrow I'm going to meet Kris for dinner at Cosi, and then stay over with her and Maggie. WIN.

Also, here's a really beautiful Tegan and Sara song: "When I Get Up."
http://www.sendspace.com/file/ultssl

Week meme!:
Day one: a song
Day two: a picture
Day three: a book/ebook/fanfic
Day four: a site
Day five: a youtube clip
Day six: a quote
Day seven: whatever tickles your fancy

I'm posting a few, because I can't make up my mind about anything. This first one I feel is both hilarious and important. Hilarious because it showcases just how insane Republicans and the anti-health-reform people really are -- important because it actually provides a lot of information we all should know about healthcare and the administration's policies. Basically, this guy attended the recent "Tea Party" in D.C and went around interviewing protestors. None of the ones shown had the foggiest f-ing idea what they were talking about. Like I said on Facebook -- it's funny, assuming you can keep your blood pressure down for ten minutes. I couldn't. I spent the first five minutes willing my head not to explode, and the second five minutes crying for humanity and America.



( Sesame Street and Doctor Who and West Wing love this way! )

So, lately, I can't ride in cars. I really can't. Why? Because I have panic attacks every single time I get in one. Well, not EVERY time; for the most part it's every time we go on the highway. WHO THE HELL KNOWS WHY, but it is seriously uncool. Is it my medication wreaking havoc with me again? Abilify really does seem to ramp up my panic-attack potential.

Or is it because I'm preparing to actually take driving lessons and get my license, so I'm paying much more attention to what driving entails -- and I'm realizing how FREAKING TERRIFYING it is? I don't mind the idea of just driving around the simple two-lane roads in my town, but highways? Forget about it. Merging, switching lanes -- it's just not going to happen.

I'm 98% sure that when I do start my driving lessons, I am legitimately going to start hyperventilating and crying at the wheel. I don't want to do this, I don't want to drive, but I need to if I want to have even the smallest modicum of autonomy.

At any rate, this new little habit of mine made the drive to the Renaissance Faire verrrry interesting.
Week meme!:
Day one: a song
Day two: a picture
Day three: a book/ebook/fanfic
Day four: a site
Day five: a youtube clip
Day six: a quote
Day seven: whatever tickles your fancy

Cracked.com -- 100 Unintentionally Hilarious Spam Subject Lines.
I laughed so hard I cried at this. Fair warning -- when you start clicking around Cracked.com, it's hard to stop.

A Facebook Haggadah.
Ok, it's not Passover season anymore, not anywhere near. But this is HILARIOUS. Passover in Facebook form.

And, finally, Sockdreams.com
In case you love socks and stockings as much as I do.

On Saturday I had what felt to me like a minor heart attack.

I was on the corner of 16th and Locust when I saw a group of people walk by on the opposite side of the street. Bringing up the rear was a heavyset girl dressed all in black, with short curly dark hair and thick-rimmed glasses. She was chain-smoking and holding hands with a girl.

...Zoe?

I went so far as to yell her name, but she didn't hear me. Or maybe it wasn't her. But maybe she just didn't hear. I couldn't seem to get my voice to work. I felt cold and numb and couldn't stop shaking.

It's been five years. It's not nearly so bad as it used to be. But I still think about her every day. And apparently, the sight of her -- or maybe not her -- still sends me into a complete meltdown.

If it was her, I don't think I could forgive myself for not getting her attention. It's one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. But I'll never know if it was her.

I still need to know why.

Week meme!:
Day one: a song
Day two: a picture
Day three: a book/ebook/fanfic
Day four: a site
Day five: a youtube clip
Day six: a quote
Day seven: whatever tickles your fancy

( I think this just says a lot about Oberlin in general. )

I feel like I've lost the ability to have strong romantic feelings for people.

I used to get crazy intense crushes on people, and I used to have crazy intense feelings for the people I dated. Like, near-physical-pain, falling-all-over-myself, stupid crushes and feelings.

And now, even when there's someone who's perfect for me, and I'm perfect for them...it's like I don't really feel anything. Not like I used to. I don't get butterflies anymore.

Nathan suggested that maybe I'm in "Safety Mode." "Why would I be in safety mode?" I asked him. "After all you have been through, babe," he replied.

What? I haven't "been through" anything. Not really. I've been let down, disappointed, and betrayed by people I loved and trusted. But who hasn't? I haven't been hurt any worse than most teenage girls, I don't think.

Nathan and I are basically perfect for each other. I love talking to him. But I don't have that feeling. I don't get the butterflies I had two years ago for him. Admittedly, between then and now he hurt and betrayed me pretty badly. Is that why I can't quite let myself be happy with the idea of being with him? That doesn't feel like the reason, but it would make sense. You'd think I'd understand why I feel the way I do, but I don't.

It's not just him, either. It's been a long time since I REALLY felt those powerful, giddy feelings for someone. I've tried to make myself feel them, I've tried to be happy with people, and I just never quite can. Why? I miss having those feelings. I want to feel like I did in senior year, with Marina. Even though I felt like a galumphing, hurr-durr, idiot spaz around her...I miss having someone who could make my heart turn over.

Other things:
-I am going to the Renaissance Faire with steel_lily09 tomorrow and I COULD NOT BE MORE EXCITED oh my god.
-Charles Darwin film "too controversial for America. Excuse me while I lose all faith in my country. Where's my passport, I'm going back to Canada.
-I might -- maybe maybe maybe -- get to play Jessica in a production of "The Merchant of Venice." MAYBE. That would rock.
-Oh my god. iTunes just lost all my music. CRAAAAAAAAP.

Week meme!:
Day one: a song
Day two: a picture
Day three: a book/ebook/fanfic
Day four: a site
Day five: a youtube clip
Day six: a quote
Day seven: whatever tickles your fancy

Feist :: Brandy Alexander
http://www.sendspace.com/file/ka0g2q
Though I'd like to be the girl for him
And cross the sea and land for him
On milky skin my tongue is sand until
The ever distant band begins to play
He's my Brandy Alexander
Always gets me into trouble
But that's another matter
Brandy Alexander

Back in the day, I knew my boyfriend's Myspace password -- he'd given it to me for some reason or another. So, out of curiosity, one day I logged in as him and looked at his inbox. Mostly, you understand, to see if there was anything about me.

I wasn't expecting to see this saved e-mail conversation between him and his friend Erin. She'd been complaining about being eternally single -- to which he replied something along the lines of "Well, when Carolyn and I break up I'll only want to be with you."

Which was charming, you know, to find out that your boyfriend is planning the end of your relationship and lining up a successor. Especially when you're stupid crazy in love and never want to be with anyone else.

Not one of the better moments of my life.