The Kit Kat Club

Like I mentioned before, I've decided to quit taking my Abilify. Doing so has really helped me more than I could have ever imagined. It's like, I didn't realize how bad things had gotten till I went off it. Now, I feel like so many of my memories from the past few months are just...marred by this film of panic and anxiety.

Today, I went to work. I was freaking out a little beforehand because of last time. But I got on the register and I was fine. I was more than fine. I still totally had moments of "Oh my God, I don't know what to do here" and I had to holler for help. But only, like...5-7 times, maybe. And besides, I didn't let it overwhelm me when I did screw up or get confused or I had a line forming.

Plus, I was able to look customers in the eye and talk with my coworkers like a normal person.

So screw you, Abilify. You and Provigil are totally on my shit list.

It was a long day, though. Our holiday hours just started, I guess, so we're open til 10 instead of 9. 5-hour shift, and that was after class and an hour's bus ride. It was nice to go home and collapse on the couch and watch The Daily Show and Scrubs.

Also, I got paid. $99. Meh. I need at least one more paycheck before I can buy my new camera.

I've been drafting my letter to the Oberlin medical leave committee, essentially begging them to let me come back. This is apparently a required part of the process. It is kind of a pain -- I don't know what I should be writing or how much detail I need to be going into. Basically I've outlined everything I've been up to since I got home (regular therapy, medication management, two classes and a job), and everything I plan to do to make myself successful on my return.

God, am I ever ready to go back. I know what I need. I need a roommate to provide me with some level of normalcy in my life -- you know, someone who will silently judge me if I sleep through class or don't clean the room. (Seriously! The silent judging helps! Even if it's just in my head.) I need to be involved in activities beyond Piscapo's Arm and OMTA. (I'm thinking either the swing dancing or the fencing ExCo.) I need a job. And above all else, I need to spend more time with people. Yes, it will be hard and I might not always like it, but I did myself no favors last year by shutting myself away so much. It is completely detrimental to my work habits and mental health. It doesn't matter how crappy or guilty or sad I'm feeling -- I'm going to seek out people and spend time with them instead of wallowing.

So my friends should probably know that I intend to be more of an ever-present pain in the ass.