The Kit Kat Club

...My trip has been delayed. Again. Until tomorrow morning.

Killing people is wrong. As is mass destruction of property. Killing people is wrong. As is mass destruction of property. Killing people is wrong. As is mass destruction of property. Killing people is wrong. As is mass destruction of property....

I'm getting a ride home with Shauna. We were planning to leave Thursday -- tomorrow -- at noon. Hurray! I was so excited. Today she comes up to me and tells me that she absolutely cannot leave tomorrow, and is it ok if we leave Friday instead?

I am not mad at her (anymore). Honestly. I understand that papers often take longer to write than one anticipates. But I spazzed when I heard this. For one thing -- I do not like surprise changes in plans. They upset my view of how the world should be. For another, my parents made some pretty extensive rearrangements in their plans to be able to pick me up at the point where Shauna's and my routes branch off. But, most importantly? I WANT TO GO HOME, DAMNIT. I am so homesick. I want to go home. Now I have to wait a whole day longer than I anticipated, which I know isn't long, but gahhh.

On the plus side, I am done with finals and can spend tomorrow relaxing and packing. On the minus side, I was not terribly happy with either of my papers and I don't think I did too fantastically on my Psych exam.

On the REALLY minus side, I'm godawful depressed. Like, horrendously. I'm holed up in my room and absolutely do not want to move or leave or see anyone. I feel like the worst person alive. And I know, I do, that my thought patterns are entering that phase where they're completely irrational. And yet I've spent hours on end today contemplating each of these topics: I am fat. I am the ugliest person on campus. I do not deserve to be here. No one likes me. People take advantage of me, but are not actually my friends. And I can't shake these thoughts, and I hate myself and just want to self-destruct.

Also, what the hell, I ordered my pizza a goddamn hour ago. Where the hell is it?

As you may or may not have heard, there is a nationwide Proposition 8 protest happening tomorrow in cities all across America. I'm thinking "Oh cool, there's one in Cleveland. I bet some Obies will be driving out there, maybe I can get a ride with them?"

So I go on Oberlin Confessional, which is an anonymous online messageboard where you can post whatever horrible, cruel, disgusting things you want without fear of retribution because no one knows who's posting. I try to avoid it, because it depresses me, but I figured it'd be a good way to find a ride. So I post and ask if anyone's going and if they'd be willing to drive me.

I got four replies. Every single one of them said something along the lines of "Protests don't change anything" or "Why are you bothering to protest something in California? It doesn't affect you" or "Don't waste your time."

I'm literally seeing red right now with anger. What the fuck has happened to this college? Call me crazy, but one of the biggest reasons I wanted to go here was that I understood it to be a socially active campus where students would protest for equal rights and I could get involved and make a fucking difference. And now I'm being told not to waste my TIME?

Will this nationwide protest do anything? I don't know. I really don't. Does Prop 8 affect most of the students here? Not really. That is no fucking reason not to TRY. That's no reason to sit around on your fuckwit lazy hipster asses and not give a fuck about your fellow human beings.

I was so proud on election night to be on such an active, energetic campus. But maybe we're just as apathetic as the rest of the goddamn emo hipster population. Fuck. Sometimes I wish I could be a student here back in the 60s, when it actually WAS radical, when more people actually cared about making a difference. I feel so disillusioned.

Of course, I guess I should keep in mind that OCon is where the absolute scum of the college goes to make other people feel bad, so maybe it doesn't represent the campus' attitude. I don't know.

Edit: WOOHOO, more responses to my post, this time including "OP u retarded or somthing" and "OP is probably gay" (WHAT THE FUCK COLLEGE DO YOU THINK YOU GO TO?).