The Kit Kat Club

I got a phone call today from 1812 Productions, a comedy theatre troupe that had put out an ad seeking an unpaid intern to help them with marketing, public relations, stuff like that. I sent in my resume and cover letter and, for the first time in my life, actually got a response. I'm going in to interview with them next Monday.

It's quite exciting. The problem is, I'm not sure if I want this internship. Not because I don't think I'd enjoy it or be good at it -- it actually pretty much plays to all my strengths. It's just...they'd need me to work for them THROUGH January. Meaning I couldn't go back to Oberlin for Winter Term. I knew that was never an absolute given, but it was what I really wanted to do. I wanted to cook with my friends and see the campus all covered in snow but missing most of the population. I wanted to enjoy Oberlin without the stress of classes. And I didn't want to be home any longer than I absolutely had to be. I'm not ruling out the possibility that the combination of therapy and keeping really busy throughout the fall would make being home a happier experience for me, but...I don't know. I just want to go back so badly. But I wouldn't want to turn down the internship if they offered it to me. Ugh. I just don't know.

I hate it when things are up in the air. Hanging out with friends, interviews, job possibilities -- anything. I need something concrete to put in Google calendar. "Oh, we'll do something sometime" makes me nervous and afraid I'm going to have to cancel plans with someone in order to fulfill some other commitment.

I'm going in to register for classes at Camden County College tomorrow, aka THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH I ever thought I'd end up. I'll be taking Theatre and Child Psychology come fall.

If I get this internship and this job, things'll be crazy. I'll have class Tuesday through Thursday afternoons, I'd be doing 15 hours a week at the internship, working at Good2Go, and still working at the candy store on weekend nights. I hope it will make me happy to keep busy.

For now, I can't sleep -- too nervous about all these half-plans and commitments and everything I have to keep.

I've got a good mind to throw it all away, throw it all away, throw it all away. I've got a good mind to throw it all away; after all what is it worth?