The Kit Kat Club

If it's cool with everyone I'm just going to go ahead and sleep for a million years. K. See you later.

After a sort-of job interview and my psychiatrist appointment, I went on my Epic Public Transit Adventure to the UPenn library. I've never taken the L before and I am kind of a huge dumb when it comes to directions, orienting myself, etc. But after being on my feet and tromping around Philly for two hours in the rain, I stumbled into the library, drenched and sweaty and disgusting and did I mention I was carrying a huge heavy backpack? I definitely got some work done, though. It's frustrating not to be able to log on to the internet (seriously, they wouldn't even give me a guest logon) or to take books home with me -- I'll basically have to go back there every day til the 15th. I'm really proud of the progress I've made on this paper, though. I think I'll be ok.

On the L back to Market East, I noticed that the -- really hot -- guy sitting across from me had a DALEK TATTOOED ON HIS ARM WTF. When we got off at the same stop, I was like "IS THAT A DALEK THAT IS WONDERFUL OMG." And we actually ended up sitting together while we waited for the PATCO and chatting for a while. And I was all OMG I am talking to a super hot guy who likes Doctor Who and ok he dresses like a hipster dickwad but STILL. Unfortunately after about ten minutes we got really awkward, stopped talking, and didn't sit together on the train. And he didn't say goodbye to me when I got off. Didn't get his name or anything, so I can't Facebook stalk him. POTENTIAL DATING FAIL D: I don't know. It's dumb, but I do feel like I missed an opportunity. Oh well.

I went and hung out at Emily's for a while when I got back to C-Wood, and despite a cup of Greek coffee and a caffeine mint I feel like the walking dead.

This weekend's gonna be epic. Tomorrow -- Promenade and dinner with Lil and Corynn. Saturday -- Decemberists concert in Upper Darby with erinpuff! JT's picking me up afterwards and I'm staying with him and Kelsey for the night and Sunday, and there will be tomfoolery. I think they were kidding about playing Naked Twister, but I wouldn't swear on it.

Finally got busy over the last few days. Haven't been able to spend quite as much time with anyone as I'd want, though I get pretty much all of tomorrow with steel_lily09, which is AWESOME. My mom and I are going up to Princeton tomorrow afternoon, get the Julia Tour of campus, and drive back down and go see Sweeney Todd over in Williamstown. Ms. Charlton is in it, so I get to see her as well.

Tuesday I talked to my therapist, she basically told me 2 things. One, it's creepy to text people to find out plans, and I need to learn to pick up the phone and call. And two, the extent to which I feel like I don't "belong" in groups or that I'm not good enough is "abnormal." And that I need to get over my fear of not being welcome, and learn to just insinuate myself into social situations even if I haven't been explicitly invited. So, Obies, if when we get back to school I'm suddenly a lot more obnoxiously present all the time, that's just me trying not to be a social failure and I hope it doesn't bother anyone. Also, I found a hat and will be wearing it often.

Today I had a relatively painless lunch with my (conservative Christian) grandparents, except for this one really bizarre moment. My grandpop suddenly turned to me and said "So you meet any nice girlfriends at school yet?" I PANICKED. I didn't know if he meant "female friends" or actual GIRLFRIENDS. I don't know if he knows I'm bi, and it doesn't seem like the kind of thing he'd acknowledge if he did know. I said "no," at any rate. They also wanted to know about all my classes. Too bad one of my classes is all about the Greeks' penchant for sex with young boys and we just watched Brokeback Mountain in another. Yay for hasty subject changes.

I also saw my medication doctor, who is not as useless as I claim he is. He's just very difficult to get ahold of when I need him. But he's this awesome, funny, sixty-something Indian guy who totally flirted with me all through my appointment. When I first sat down he said "You know, I walked into the waiting room and I thought to myself, 'Who is this beautiful young woman sitting here?' And then I realized it was my patient! You are so beautiful!" He's adorable. We lowered my Prozac dosage and he prescribed me Provigil. Has anyone here taken it? What's it like?

Then I got to see JT and Kelsey. I feel so wonderfully happy and peaceful around them. They're amazing. We went out to this beautiful dam on the river, and got dinner at Adobe.

After I got home, Ms. Jen and I went out to the diner. She's another one of those amazingly positive forces in my life. She's so affectionate and caring, and trusts me with her own personal life, and never judges me, and has been known to take me out to bars...all of which are pretty unusual in what began as a teacher-student relationship.

She dropped me off at Emily's so I could see her before I went back to school. I ask this every time I see Emily, but why, WHY did I mess things up with her? She was the most amazing partner anyone could ever have, and I was a TERRIBLE girlfriend. That's one of the few things in my life I would change if I could.

Wow, I gotta be up in 6 hours. I'm getting a haircut for the first time in like a year. I hope I don't hate it.

I was somewhat more depressed than I should have been today, considering I go home the day after tomorrow. I dragged myself to SAGR and lunch, then went back to my room and collapsed into the most epic nap ever, complete with weird, sad dreams that I can't remember now. Skipped Psych, but whatev. I need to snap out of this. I think I need cuddles.

My fall break is shaping up to be ridiculously busy. Here's what I need/want to do, in no particular order:
-Go to Trader Joe's and get tea tree oil face pads oh my God my skin looks like I'm 13 or something.
-Have a ridiculous Friendly's lunch with psu_david_j!
-Hang out with JT and Kelsey.
-Hang out with djm1975, and hopefully apers and Trinity.
-Appointment with my useless psychiatrist.
-Appointment with my awesome therapist.
-Go visit the old high school haunts, with Ashley on Thursday and/or on Friday with n2_vs_life.
-Hang out with Ms. Jen.
-See charliesmum and Charlie.
-Hang out with Emily.

I'm sure there's other stuff...if I had plans with you or you want to make plans, let me know.

It will be nice to be back where I feel like I belong. Where I'm 100% secure in my friendships.

Cuddles are definitely in order. Come here, dolphin pillow, you're human-sized. Ish.